The old man is still kicking....
still waiting to finish a song...
1st comedian inducted in
the CO. Country
Hall of Fame...
in most every thing
he says and does...
Making his audience laugh and enjoy the moment is what's most important.
little boys, Jimmy & Johnny ages 8
and 5, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any
mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful
in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with
her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them
The mother sent Johnny the 5
year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the
preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a
deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him
sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there
wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the
boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"
Johnny screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home &
dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When Jimmy found him in the closet, he asked, "What
Johnny, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble
this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did
good not to pass on, Enjoy !!!
all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a
65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When
she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I
went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked.
yet,' she said. 'I'll make coffee and we can talk
for a while first.'
minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the
new baby now?'
not yet,' she said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked
again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the
HE CRIES!' she told me.
HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait
until he CRIES?'
I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
The man who gave up sex for Golf.
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend,
who is ahead by a couple of strokes.
"Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt,"
the golfer mumbles to himself.
Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers,
"Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"
Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless,
the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says,
"Sure," and sinks the putt.
Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again,
"Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one."
The same stranger is at his side again and whispers,
"Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?"
Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay." And he makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win.
Without waiting for him to say anything,
the stranger quickly moves to his side and says,
"Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?"
"Definitely," the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.
As the golfer is walking to the club house,
the stranger walks alongside him and says,
"I haven't really been fair with you
because you don't know who I am.
I'm Satan, and from this day forward
you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you, "the golfer replies,
"I'm Father O'Malley."
man and his wife moved back home to Minnesota from NEVADA .
wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in NEVADA was
they arrived in Minnesota , they went to Sven's Insurance agency
to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.
looked it up on his computer and said to the couple,
husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap in
Minnesota insure, because it cost him $2,000.00 in NEVADA !
turned his computer screen to the couple and said,
is it on the screen, direct from Ole's Minnesota Fire
, it says: Any wooden structure, with a
over it, is $39.00".