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The old man is still kicking.... 
 celebrating 50yrs 
in the entertainment world.
still waiting to finish a song... 
1st comedian inducted in 
the CO. Country Hall of Fame...
"Politically Uncorrect"  
in most every thing 
he says and does... 

Making his audience laugh and enjoy the moment is what's most important.

Two little boys, Jimmy & Johnny ages 8 and 5, are excessively mischievous.
 
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are  probably involved.
 
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he  would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
 
The mother sent Johnny the 5 year old in the morning, with the  older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The  preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the  younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
 
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. 
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"
 
Johnny screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. 
When Jimmy found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
 
Johnny, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

childbirth at 65 
Too  good not to pass on, Enjoy !!!   
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit. 
'May I see the new baby?' I asked.
'Not yet,' she said. 'I'll make coffee and we can talk for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' 
'No, not yet,' she said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me. 
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
The man who gave up sex for Golf. 

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, 
who is ahead by a couple of strokes. 
"Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," 
the golfer mumbles to himself. 
Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, 
"Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?" 
Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, 
the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says,  
"Sure," and sinks the putt. 
Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, 
"Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one." 
The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, 
"Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?" 
Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay." And he makes an eagle. 
On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win.
Without waiting for him to say anything, 
the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, 
"Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?"  
"Definitely," the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle. 
As the golfer is walking to the club house, 
the stranger walks alongside him and says, 
"I haven't really been fair with you 
because you don't know who I am. 
I'm Satan, and from this day forward 
you will have no sex life." 
"Nice to meet you, "the golfer replies, 
"I'm Father O'Malley."


This morning I went to Social Security to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said,
"Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging clue who their Dads are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks next Friday.

Damn, this is a great country.


A man and his wife moved back home to Minnesota from NEVADA .
The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in NEVADA was
$2,000.00 a year!!!
 
When they arrived in Minnesota , they went to Sven's Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.
Sven looked it up on his computer and said to the couple, "$39.00."
 
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap in
  Minnesota insure, because it cost him $2,000.00 in NEVADA !
 
Sven turned his computer screen to the couple and said, "Well, here is it on the screen, direct from Ole's Minnesota Fire Insurance Company , it  says: Any wooden structure, with a  sprinkler system over it, is $39.00".